Book Review: ‘On Becoming A Person’ by Carl Rogers

This book could be summarised into one paragraph, and while it has some good ideas, it is far too repetitive as a book.

Carl Roger’s came up with what he refers to as ‘client-centred therapy,’ which today sounds like something that goes without saying, but in its own time was a fairly radical and novel concept.

His argument is that each individual has innate, self-actualising tendencies towards growth and development. We all want to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, and, given the right environment and support, will strive towards becoming it. We all have a general sense of what is good for us to do, what we want to do, and how we should go about doing it, or becoming it.

This reminds me of a soft understanding of Nietzsche’s ‘will to power’ – that inner, individual will towards growth in things that feel meaningful for us. We all want to improve and ‘actualise’ ourselves as individuals with power and agency over our own lives and becomings.

Since postmodernism, however, the idea of ‘the self’ has received criticism, and it no longer feels so simple to suggest that we are all bounded individuals who know what we want. ‘The self’ is now a much murkier concept, which is made up of bits and pieces of others, our environment, the things that happen to us… So Rogers’s argument that we all just need to allow our ‘true selves’ to develop and grow seems a bit optimistic and simplistic. What exactly is that ‘true self’, and how would we go about finding it?

Anyway, Rogers says that people suffer psychological distress, and come to therapy, when they encounter problems with self-actualisation. Something has prevented them from either getting in touch with their inner self, or from realising its potential for various other reasons.

Therefore, he argues that it is the role of the therapist not to teach the individual how to live, but rather to create an environment in which the individual feels safe to know, listen to, and then act on their inner wants and needs. A fundamental catalyst for helping the individual to do this is an empathetic and non-judgemental relationship with the therapist.

The therapist must be honest and open about themselves and their own feelings (what Rogers calls ‘congruent’, or authentic), which in turn facilitates a trusting and non-judgemental relationship and allows the individual to themselves become open about their inner experiences. After openness comes acceptance, and with acceptance comes fewer defences and therefore more flexibility and responsiveness to the real world and others.

What I liked most about this idea is the emphasis it puts on the special relationship between therapist and client, as one which can be totally free from evaluation. In our other relationships with people in our lives, there is usually some kind of mutuality – we expect things from each other, there is a balance and reciprocity. Therefore, we hold each other to certain standards. Because the relationship between therapist in client is not one of friendship, there is also no real need to evaluate (according to our own standards) the other person’s motives or feelings. The therapist might completely disagree with everything the client says, but because they aren’t friends (or even potential friends), this doesn’t matter at all, and the therapist can, and should, accept entirely whatever it is that the client is saying. This is quite an unnatural relationship, and one that probably wouldn’t arise outside of the therapeutic environment, but it is one that I believe all of us would benefit from. To have someone who can listen to us, and accept us, completely without judgement.  This kind of space and freedom to air our ideas would do all of us a lot of good. It lets us see our ideas without any need to present or sell them to anyone, and thus lets us be truly honest with ourselves. Only when we can be totally honest can we then look at our thoughts objectively, and only then would we be in a strong position to critique them.

Too often when we speak of ourselves or our thoughts and feelings, we are trying to present them in a certain agreeable way, and we might end up persuading even ourselves that these are the best ways forward. When we don’t feel any pressure to ‘sell ourselves’ to even our loved ones or friends (or perhaps especially to those individuals important to us), we can see ourselves as we ‘truly’ (?) are.

Uhoh, I just fell into the ‘true selves’ trap. Which I myself find a little wobbly as a concept… So I’ll probably need to work out that thought in a blog post to come…

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